PRESSURE!

12/8/09- With all these upcoming and ongoing projects, I'm realizing some strange things about myself and how I deal with pressure. Pressure seems to be good for my work ethic, as in it makes me actually do things. It makes me a more efficient worker, but I can't say that it makes me a better worker. I'm more efficient when I'm under pressure because I suddenly realize the results of my constant procrastination and that I need to do my work to get an A or make sure i don't get scolded for having a messy room. So the closer the deadline gets, the more efficient I become because I have less time to do things. However, I don't think this makes me a more efficient worker because my work quality can sometimes be lacking. If I have to right an essay late at night the day before it's due it is very unlikely that it will be a top-notch paper. It's just not possible for me to get it done in time and also have it be of a very high quality. However, in the case of math or science homework it doesn't really matter because the answer is usually the same regardless of quality. \Also, when I'm under pressure I feel terrible and I am constantly reprimanding myself for allowing myself to be put under so much pressure. This is why i consider pressured work not to be better work, because I don't FEEL like a better worker even though I'm getting more done.

12/10/09- Last night, I was up until 1:30, unable to fall asleep. Sleep seems to be such a strange thing. You think you need it all day and then you finally actually get into bed ready to sleep and suddenly it's the furthest thing from your mind. All I could think about was how cold I am, and then how hot I am when I turn the fan off. Stupid arbitrary stuff like that. I know I'll regret not falling asleep now, but I can't force myself to sleep. It's one of those things that can only happen when you stop thinking about it, which is really difficult. You can't try to fall asleep, because you can't make yourself not think about something. By purposefully trying not to think about something you sudden are thinking about it. On top of that, I have every other thought in the world going around in my brain. It's like the actions of my day distract me from what i need to think about or want to think about and then when I finally get in to bed I have nothing to stop me from thinking of all the projects i still have to do, or all the gifts I still have to buy for people. It's such an annoyance to me, and I'm sure i'll be especially annoyed tomorrow morning when I have to roll out of bed after getting only 4-5 hours of sleep. If sleep is a necessity, why is it so hard to initiate?